In the depths of struggling with mental health we can feel unlovable.

I am unlovable.

This is what I believe.

How could someone love something so flawed, so broken as me?

I doubt my own worth,

Doubt that I belong.

What can I offer that isn’t tainted?

That hasn’t been touched by life’s painful poison?

.

At first glance you see a form of beauty.

Vulnerable and captivating you long to save me.

Yet times passes and waiting gets old.

I cannot be fixed, or be made whole.

There is nothing that can protect me.

.

The monster I seek to flee is always upon my heels.

It does not relent.

It does not forgive.

Its claws are in me.

My skin has healed but beneath the wounds remain.

.

I am lost to you.

I am becoming a burden.

Your hopes to win me thwarted.

Where once hope resided now lives despair.

Where once you held me now silence fills the air.

.

The fight has left me.

The trying to belong has gone.

I have accepted that I travel this road alone.

.

Promises are broken,

Plans now only ashes.

Where there was warmth, now only cold.

Where there was love, now endless emptiness.

.

I do not blame you.

For how could you know

That to love me would be so hard.

.

You must live your life

Soar the skies, travel the seas.

I will not hold you back,

I will not be your anchor.

.

For this butterfly has only just got her wings

Learning to fly takes time you see,

and my wings are still a little broken.

Maybe they will be for all eternity.

.

I am me

I am tainted

I am broken

I am unloveable

Forgive me