“A woman is like a rose, treat her kindly, shower her with drops of love, cherish her and feed her soul and give her the right conditions and she will grow and bloom in to the most beautiful thing you ever saw.”
Joseph Massey
My grandad uttered these words to me as he lay in hospital, his fragile body losing the fight to live, yet in his eyes I saw love. His quiet voice was no more than a whisper and when he spoke it took all his energy. He wanted me to know that love and the way we treat others is important and that we all have the power to help people to bloom or wilt away. Those words have stayed with me and I believe they hold a beautiful and powerful lesson for us all.
My grandad lost his own mother when he was only 14, he was left with his brother and father to care for themselves. He fell in love with my nan and they married while he was serving in the navy during World War 2. Oh how he loved my nan, and she has told me many stories of times he slipped out of his army barracks to see her, on one occasion returning to find his whole battalion had been moved, he found himself in a lot of trouble that day!
They were inseparable for over 60 years and when you looked at my nan you could tell she was loved. They had their difficult times in life, war threatened to tear them apart, my grandad going blind at only 40, cancer and other illnesses bearing down on their happiness. But their love for each love remained, making them strong, able to bear illness and problems. I know when I look at my nan, that she did indeed bloom like a rose with my grandad’s love. He loved and protected her, he cared for her not only physically but emotionally and she did him also. My nan recounted how he loved to get a bath ready for her, he would fill up the water, lay out all the things she needed, calling her up when it was ready, it was one of the little ways he made her feel special. So she bloomed and together they were able to withstand all that life threw at them.
When his time with us was cut short, his loss felt like a huge void, this amazing man who was calm, respectful, loving and so kind, was gone. He never moaned about anything, not the awful things he saw at war, nor the sadness life had sometimes dealt him, not even at the end, struggling in pain. I miss his whistling while he wiped down the kitchen and his stories of his time in the navy. I never heard him say a bad thing about anyone. My nan always says that they broke the mould when they made my grandad and I honestly believe she is right.
My grandad loved his greenhouse, I still remember as child being with him in his greenhouse on hot summer days, the smell of ripening tomatoes, ruby red, ready for picking thick in the air, I still love that smell. Grandad knew all about how to make things grow. He knew about the right soil, the need for sunlight, warmth and water and also fertiliser to encourage the best growth. He knew also that this applied to those that we have in our life, or those whose lives we touch, be it for a short time or a lifetime.
Whoever we come into contact with, we have the chance to help them grow and bloom or we can cause them to wilt. The way we act, the words we use and the qualities we show, can leave marks on the tapestry of someone’s life. We can chose the marks we leave, they can be beautiful, positive things that add to the picture or they can be scars that remain and taint the picture.
The question is what will we choose?
Everyone needs the right soil, or the right environment to grow. A safe place where they are free to be themselves and become who they are, encourages good roots to grow. Stability, trust, and support give the the right mixture of elements to provide a good basis for growth. Whether it be those that we love, those we work with or those we meet daily, what kind of environment are we giving others? Do we provide a safe place, are we kind and do we offer support were we can?
Our children especially need a good environment as they grow to adults. Allowing them to find their own identity, giving them unconditional love, building strong bonds of attachment, providing a home that is a haven or love, encouragement and support lays foundations that last a lifetime.
At work do we help others to grow and become better, encouraging their ideas, or are we jealous and try to stifle them? What about our loved ones? Do they feel supported, safe and cared for? Everyday we cross someone’s path, do they they feel strengthened by our presence or weakened?
Kindness, empathy, compassion, affection, trust, honesty, are all needed to make our soil the kind where others can grow and flourish. We can choose the type of environment we cultivate, the growth we give to others.
The light of positivity casts its glow and causes even the smallest of shoots to grow. Positive words warm the bones of even the most tired and worn down. It can ease the pains of self doubt and support in difficult times.
What do our actions and words to others show?
Critical speech tears down and causes damage, as does unkind words or putting down others ideas or thoughts. Positivity and encouragement can help ones to flourish, it builds self-believe and self-confidence. When we help others to feel better about themselves, their achievements and encourage them to reach out for their hopes and dreams, we are helping them grow, to become stronger and a more wonderful them, able to then share their gifts with others.
Of course, we can also, give too much light of positivity. Sometimes in times of distress we can dismiss the pain ones may suffered scorching them. There are times when the light needs to dim and we just need to be their support, ready to cast the light again when it is the right time to do so. A greenhouse is not bathed in light all the time but works with the rising and the setting of the sun. The coolness of dusk and evening is just as needed as the brightness of day. Being discerning allows us to give the gift of light when it will be most effective, but also realise as we grow sometimes there will be times of darkness.
All plants and flowers need water to grow, it is in fact vital for all living things. It carries vitamins and minerals to living cells and helps flush out toxins. Water is life giving and it reminds me of love.
Love is needed by everyone. Love seeps into everything. It is in songs, books, movies, everywhere. It often dominates conversations and our thoughts. Love is searched for by everyone and comes in so many forms. It affects the way we behave and can move some to go to extreme lengths to prove it.
True love is healthy, it brings out the best in us and the person we are showing it to. It is not possessive or controlling, it does not constrict or confine, rather like water for a plant it nourishes it and provides it with everything needed to grow. Without love living things wither and die, without love as humans our growth is stunted and emotionally we can die. Water also flushes out toxins, so too with love, when we feel loved it flushes out negative feelings and thoughts, that can be toxic to our soul. Love is individual too, not every flower or plant will need the same amount of water, some need a few drops, others need lots water daily. Like water love is always needed.
Plants and flowers will grow just fine with the things but when we add fertiliser we see greater growth and with flowers in particular, wonderful blooms full of colour. The ‘small things’, are the fertiliser that help us to bloom. These are the kind words and deeds, that make us feel special. It maybe those wonderful baths like my grandad use to get ready for my nan, or a text that says I am thinking of you. It can the holding of your hand, a loving glance or a reassuring touch. It can be a card to say thank you, a call to know you are ok or a cup of tea at the end of a long day. These small gestures, even just a smile and hello mean so much. They can brighten someone’s day, say that your loved, provide support in difficult times and strengthen relationships. They say that you are special and that you are cared for, they hold the tapestry of life together, tiny stitches that make memories. I have a memory box and in it I keep silly little mementos, ticket stubs, receipts, cards and photos, things I have brought from places I have visited, even a few dried flowers, they all mean something, all have a memory, they are the small things, my fertiliser, all the things that have helped me grow.
When my Grandad said the above to me I was wilting, I think he saw that. I was stuck in a life pleasing others and doing little that helped me to be me. Those around me stifled me, I couldn’t bloom, I couldn’t show my true colours. So I changed my environment, I sought the light of positivity, I found people to show me love that wasn’t controlling, but nurturing, and made sure that I took note of the small things and made memories.
We have to help ourselves to bloom, we have to leave behind those that want to stop us blooming, we have to remove ourselves from a toxic environment and search for the light.
The time I had with my Grandad was precious, and I miss him, but he gave me a gift in those last few days, when he was saying goodbye, when he knew that he could no longer be here with me. He helped me see that life is short, that I deserved better and that I could bloom, just like my nan, just like a rose.
